Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says, "I want to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude." They say fine, she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams, "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away. For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says, "What did she roll, anyway?" The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."

A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side. She yells over to the blonde "Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side?" And after a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back "You ARE on the other side!"

1

What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant?

Angus McCoatup                                                                                                                                                                   

2

My mate's so humourless....the last time he cracked a gag was in an S&M dungeon!

3

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

"We just love the chocolate around them."

4

What do you call 100 nuns in a shop? Virgin Megastore.

5

What's the most dangerous insect? The hepatitis bee

6

My sister used to go out with a mushroom harvester – apparently he used to be a Fun guy to be with!

7

Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?

A: A Piiig

8

Two nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire jumps onto the bonnet.

The nun who is driving says to the other, "Quick! Show him your cross."

So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, "Get off our f*cking car."

9

Q: WHAT'S the difference between outlaws and inlaws

A. outlaws are wanted!

10

How do you kill an entire circus? Go for the juggler